I found out, the hard way. I thought it was just another one of their pranks that they think are so clever. I suppose running all the way back to that flea-hovel they call home exhausted me. I had palpitations. I asked them to call an ambulance. Begged.

They are entirely devoid of public decency. They laughed. Called me ‘fatty’. I’m not. It was no use pointing out that this of discriminatory insult is pejorative and was a compliment. Or that they’re insensitive clods. Or that I was just growing. I told them so. They said “yeah sideways, wobblebottom.” And “Doesn’t he half thrash his tail about when he’s mad.”

It’s true. The tail has mind of its own. It had come up from between my legs and was now thrashing about. I don’t believe in keeping your feelings in. Like empowering women emotions must be allowed full flow, or you can damage yourself psychologically. But having your tail express it for you is quite another matter. I saw what it was doing… and tried to cut it off.

Yes. I resorted to violence. I’m ashamed. And it was very sore.

And just then the ugly big goblin in curlers called: “Dinner! come and get it or I feed it to the pigs.”

It wasn’t macrobiotic.

It used to be the pig.

will available as freebie for… well from the 27th I think. Go look.

You can see a free short story set in the universe here

Also there is a free e-book short on promo for 5 days starting the 28th

Update: Tony Daniel from Baen informs that official release date is 4/3. So the lucky reader in the UK is just lucky

Bolg may not be everyone’s noir PI hero. He’s not politically correct and not suitably nasty. He’s 4’6″ and vertically challenging. Oh yeah, he’s blue – from tattooing, which back when he was born, was the cultural norm. He’s Pict, and just hasn’t got around to dying, but that’s the only paranormal feature of the man. However his height and color (and centuries of experience) get him involved in paranormal cases. That… and his sidekick, Fintan mac Bochra. Who is either a physicist or a magician and probably both.

If you’re interested in buying it, click on the picture and I get a few extra cents from Amazon associates. I’m saving up to buy a pony, or at least to get enough in my associates account to get paid (I live in furrin parts, where Amazon will only send checks – and only for over 100 dollars. At present rates I should get a nice little 100 dollar nest egg from the associates programme in 2030 )

Also up from Naked Reader are two more of my older shorts

and

here
and here

Are my two very own efforts so far

So I was a bit wary about more demons in the cupboards. You could tell it wasn’t a healthy place. It wasn’t natural for a place to be that clean. Even the cockroaches had died. It must be cursed, or haunted with not even the chitter and skitter of a rat to break the silence.

All right, so it was a good deed. Un-Goblinly. It hadn’t been that good, surely, that I deserved THIS.

Hunger eventually gave me a quite unnatural courage. I opened a cupboard a crack. Ducked back so I could hit whatever lived in it over the head from behind with the ladle I’d taken from the rack. It had never been used. It was all shiny.

Nothing came out of the cupboard. I got clever, and used the shiny ladle as a mirror. I was horrified at what I saw there.

There was nothing there. No monsters. No little raveners. No house-gnomes with cross-bows. No slugs and no bugs. Not even ants. Just… pots.

Empty pots.

And then next thing I knew there was mummy dearest. Thank heavens without the monster cat. “Ah there you are, Forrest Darling. I wondered if you were feeling well, not on your computer. I’m about to have a soy yogurt carrot smoothie. Would you like one? Funny, the ‘fridge light is not working.”

Now we watch humans. They’re really funny on the pot or when they’re bludgeoning auntie. And the annual show where they sing old lamp-shine and hug each other and fall down in their own sick is great. But a lot of human doesn’t translate. I knew what a carrot was. You put them in stew when you’re short of meat. If you cook them long enough they don’t taste too much like carrot. Soys and yogurt and smoothies… what? Some kind of exotic animal made ito meat paste

Mummy dearest has gone called the doctor, and change her pants.
It serves her right. I thought the blender thing was cool, all it needed was some frogs.

And then she gave me RAW carrot.